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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24526087">we can drive it home with one headlight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/puckiety/pseuds/puckiety'>puckiety</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gilmore Girls</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arguing, Break Up, Breaking Up &amp; Making Up, Character Development, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fix-It, Unhealthy Relationships, that's mostly in reference to the bits of rory/dean that you get but</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:08:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,746</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24526087</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/puckiety/pseuds/puckiety</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I broke up with Dean,” she explains.</p><p>“Oh,” says Jess. “I’m… sorry?”</p><p>Rory fidgets a little with the skirt of her dress—in the rush to end things and get over here, she didn’t have a chance to change. “I did it because I.” she swallows, looks down at her feet. “I like you.”</p><p>There’s silence for a long moment. Rory’s almost too afraid to look up, but when she does, she sees Jess’s shit-eating grin and her cheeks burn.</p><p>--</p><p>Rory and Jess both know they're meant to be together. It just takes a little while to get there.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>135</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>we can drive it home with one headlight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This has been in the works for a while! I love Rory/Jess, and I wanted to... fix a couple of things. Mainly the "Come with me" scene, because it breaks my heart every time I watch it &amp; I'm a sucker for making Jess Mariano happy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Jess touches her, she feels like a live wire.</p><p>Scratch that: when Jess even gets <em>close</em> to touching her, she feels like a live wire.</p><p>It starts that first night, when he slips past her into her room and cracks a joke at how many books she has, flashing her a crooked smile when he says he doesn’t read <em>much</em>.</p><p>(She isn’t sure it’s a lie until he hands her back her copy of <em>Howl</em>, his notes scratched in the margins, and he gives her that shrug of his and says <em>What is much?</em> with another one of those grins of his.)</p><p>She tries to ignore it, because she’s with Dean and she <em>loves Dean</em>, she does—now if only she could get her stupid heart to stop racing any time that she catches sight of Luke’s nephew. She doesn’t get it; he drives her insane, pushes her and teases her in a way Dean never did. Then again, he also engages with her in a way Dean never has. He keeps snatching books out of her bag and returning them to her with margin notes, insights that sometimes not even <em>she’s</em> had.</p><p>He knows her better than Dean, too, reads her like he reads a book, and she’s so attuned to him that sometimes she swears she can <em>sense</em> where he is in a room before she even looks for him. It would scare her—maybe it does scare her—but even when he’s driving her insane, she has a soft spot for him.</p><p>Yes, even when he bids on her basket and causes that fight with Dean. He just… he sounds genuinely <em>sorry</em> when he apologizes, and she doesn’t think she’s ever heard him apologize to anyone before. It makes her feel special. Just like him being nice to her makes her feel special. And if she promises to him that she’ll give Hemingway another shot, well, what does it matter? They’re just friends. She likes Dean, Dean’s her boyfriend! Jess is just… he’s so much like her. It’s only right that she should feel a little off-kilter around him, right? He’s knocked her whole world off of its axis.</p><hr/><p>                                                                                                                      </p><p>He didn’t mean to crash the car, but nobody <em>listens</em> to her. Her mother, who seemed hell-bent from the start on painting Jess as a bad guy, <em>the</em> bad guy, gives a biased account to her father and all of a sudden the whole town is on a witch hunt for the bookish boy with the hazel eyes that she was just starting to see as a real friend. She doesn’t know if Lorelai thinks she’s trying to cover for Jess or if she just thinks Rory is naïve and stupid but—</p><p>—But it <em>was </em>an accident. And it was just as much her fault. If she hadn’t told him to take a right, he wouldn’t have had to swerve to avoid that animal, and her car wouldn’t be wrapped around a pole. He was just trying to avoid doing harm. It wasn’t his fault.</p><p>(And she’ll never forget the way he’d helped her from the wreck, gentle hands and dark worried eyes, arm around her shoulders as she’d cradled her wrist and he’d called 911, that slightest hint of panic in his voice that she never ever wants to hear again).</p><p>She doesn’t even get a chance to thank him for making sure he’s okay; he’s gone before she can.</p><hr/><p>She skips school and visits him in New York on a whim, because it feels like a piece of her is missing, and, somehow, she <em>knows</em> that it’s Jess. They walk the streets of Manhattan and she imagines that they’re five years older and there’s nothing between them, no parents or boyfriends or angry townsfolk, just him and her and the rush of the city that thrums under her skin.</p><p>(Later, much later, she’ll whisper these dreams into his skin, the crook of his neck, and in those moments neither of them will be afraid of the unspeakable thing between them).</p><p>She goes to get on the bus and he grabs her arm, says, “Wait, this one is local, it has more stops,” and then buys her a train ticket instead. She hugs him on impulse before they part, throwing her arms around his neck and burying her face into his shoulder. Rory half-hopes that if she breathes in deeply enough, she can carry the scent of him in her memory until she sees him again.</p><p>She makes it just in time to watch her mother cross the stage, and Rory cheers from the doorway (she’s so, so proud).</p><hr/><p>She almost kisses him at the wedding. Her father walks away and she turns and Jess is <em>there</em>, standing in the grass like he never left, and she could swear even from this distance that his eyes brighten a little when her gaze meets his. She smiles a little despite herself and starts picking her way across the grass towards him, heart beginning to race.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” she asks when he meets her halfway. A little half-grin pulls at his lips and she thinks of their last day together. How even when she was surrounded by the sights of the city, she couldn’t take her eyes off of him.</p><p>“Hello to you, too.” It’s not an answer, and he knows it. And the lack of answer instigates a little bubble of panic in her chest, blue eyes scanning his face for any sign of harm or hurt.</p><p>“Is everything okay?” It comes out more breathless than she meant it to, but Rory can’t help it; Jess is looking at her and that panic is still sitting under her ribs with the overwhelming nameless <em>thing</em> she feels whenever he’s near.</p><p>He still doesn’t answer her, just looks her up and down, taking in the blue dress that she knows brings out her eyes (her mother said as much). “You look nice.”</p><p>She could slap him for avoiding her questions, if it wasn’t so very <em>Jess</em> of him. And if he wasn’t being so sincere when he said it, that sincerity that he seems to save just for her—a little pearl of <em>good</em> that he keeps hidden except for moments like this. And she can’t deny the flush of happiness that warms her chest at his compliment, so she doesn’t lose her temper, just: “Thank you.”</p><p>But she still wants answers, so she asks her question again: “What are you doing here?”</p><p>A fluid shrug of his shoulders. “I moved back.”</p><p>“What?” she swears, if this is a joke, she’ll never forgive him. But he just gives her another shrug.</p><p>“I moved back.”</p><p>It’s… not a joke. She knows that, can read him well enough by now. Still, she’s left reeling by the revelation. Back, he’s back—back for <em>good</em>, back to stay in Stars Hollow where she’ll see him every day, and maybe Luke’s won’t feel so empty now, now that instead of her just wishing he would appear at the bottom of the stairs he <em>will.</em>  “But – what – <em>why?</em>” she manages, stumbling over the words. It’s not like her, this not knowing what to say. Normally she’s saying too much, letting loose a rant that’s <em>impossible</em> to follow (impossible for anyone but him, she thinks, because he’s smart and clever and <em>so much</em> like Rory and Lorelai that she half wonders if that’s why her mother doesn’t like him).</p><p>“I just…” the pause is near-imperceptible, and even Rory only half-notices it because he hasn’t taken his eyes off of her and she’s lost in their color and how he makes her feel electrified and lost with just a look. “…wanted to.”</p><p><em>Because of me</em>? She wants to ask, but that’s not fair, no matter how much she’s burning to know whether she makes him feel just as wild and reckless and <em>lost</em> as he makes her. They’re still staring at each other, and she finds herself taking one step forward, then another, until they’re only a breath apart and—</p><p>—No. Not like this. She stops herself from doing what she wants <em>so desperately</em> to, forces herself to take her eyes off of his mouth, forces herself open her own and speak. <em>Come on, Gilmore, don’t be speechless now</em>. “Jess, I—"</p><p><em>I want to kiss you. I want to hold you. I think I love you</em>.</p><p>“Rory…” his voice is low, a hint of gravel, and <em>God</em> he’s still <em>looking</em> at her and it isn’t <em>fair</em>. But kissing him now wouldn’t be fair either, not to him or Dean, and she <em>knows</em> that. He has to know that too. But she can’t just run away, can’t leave Jess without an explanation or a promise or <em>something</em>, so she leans in and presses a hasty kiss to his cheek. Her heart is thundering in her ears and she thinks she catches the corner of his mouth and his hand falls to her waist and she wants <em>more</em>, but—she pulls back, out of his grasp.</p><p>“Later,” she promises. “I’ll—meet me at the bridge? In, uh, an hour?” She pauses. “I have to… do something.”</p><p>He barely hesitates, just <em>trusts her</em>, and she could kiss him for that alone. “Okay.”</p><p>“Later,” she says again, and hopes that he can hear how much she wants him as she turns to run off, to find Dean and end this big confusing mess. Then she realizes that she never really welcomed him back, so she turns slightly and: “Oh! Welcome home!”</p><p>She turns back right after, but she could swear she sees the hint of a smile before she does.</p><hr/><p>They meet at the bridge after she ends things with Dean, and even though it was messy and he yelled, she doesn’t feel that upset. At some point, she thinks, she stopped loving Dean; she doesn’t quite know when. After Jess showed up, she thinks, but maybe some of that spark was lost even before his arrival in Stars Hollow; maybe what was between her and Dean was just the high of a first relationship.</p><p>Jess brightens when he catches sight of her—she’s sure of it this time. It’s just a little change to his expression, but Rory notices it anyway. It makes her smile.</p><p>“I broke up with Dean,” she explains.</p><p>“Oh,” says Jess. “I’m… sorry?”</p><p>Rory fidgets a little with the skirt of her dress—in the rush to end things and get over here, she didn’t have a chance to change. “I did it because I.” she swallows, looks down at her feet. “I like you.”</p><p>There’s silence for a long moment. Rory’s almost too afraid to look up, but when she does, she sees Jess’s shit-eating grin and her cheeks burn.</p><p>“Oh, really?” he drawls.</p><p>“Really.”</p><p>His smile turns a little soft. “You still look nice. The blush suits you.”</p><p>She wants to say <em>Jess Mariano, I swear to God I will push you into this lake</em>, but she doesn’t. Instead, she closes the distance between them and kisses him. She must catch him off guard, because it takes him a second before he steps closer, hands encircling her waist to pull her flush against him. He kisses her back, and it’s like lightning down to the soles of her feet—she thinks her toes curl. He kisses her like… well, it’s cliché, but he kisses her like he’s drowning and she’s his last breath of air. He kisses her like the world is ending. He kisses her like he never wants to stop. It’s everything she hoped it would be; it’s <em>more</em> than she hoped it would be.</p><p>She pulls away first, mostly because she thinks if she doesn’t, she’ll faint in his arms from the lack of oxygen. His hazel eyes are wide and dark. “What?”</p><p>Rory smiles, breathless and happier than she should be considering she <em>just</em> dumped Dean. “You were doing too good a job of sweeping me off my feet. I was afraid we were both going to end up in the lake.”</p><p>He laughs a little. She thinks it’s the most beautiful sound she’s ever heard. “Rory—”</p><p>“Will you—” she starts at the same time. They both stop. “You go.”</p><p>He slips his hands into his jacket pockets. “Wanna go to the bookstore sometime?”</p><p>“As a date?”</p><p>“No, I want you to help me hit on the clerk.”</p><p>“Andrew? Isn’t he a little old for you?”</p><p>That same soft little smile, the one she’s never seen him give anyone else. “Shoulda known better than to try and out-smartass a Gilmore.”</p><p>Rory juts her chin out, looks down her nose at him, puts on a lofty tone. “That’s right, Mister. Know your place.”</p><p>“Is that a yes?”</p><p>She drops the pretense. “It’s a yes. What did you think I was trying to ask you?”</p><p>He laughs and kisses her again.</p><hr/><p>She writes to him constantly while she’s gone that summer. She told him before she left that he didn’t have to respond to everything she sent, but he always does. And he <em>matches the length</em> of her letters, even! If she’d had any doubts about being with him before, they’d be gone now.</p><p>(Paris makes comments about it, but Rory’s learned the difference between mean-Paris and trying-her-best-to-be-joking Paris. This is the latter; for all their disagreements over the Beats, Paris likes Jess. She <em>definitely</em> thinks he’s better for Rory than Dean was. Rory doesn’t fight her on it.)</p><hr/><p>But the honeymoon phase ends, as it always does.</p><p>This time, they’re fighting because he hasn’t called her. Well, maybe <em>fighting</em> isn’t the right word, because really, they just avoid each other, and Rory <em>knows</em> that she should tell him how the lack of communication makes her feel but—</p><p>(She finally does, calls the apartment and leaves a rant on his answering machine, but then she walks out of the hockey rink and he’s <em>there</em>, looking as apologetic as Jess could ever look).</p><p>And Jess doesn’t really do apologies, not verbal ones at least, but he holds out the ear plugs and tells her he bought tickets to see the Distillers and she knows it’s his way of saying sorry.</p><p>“Um, Jess? Don’t listen to your voicemails when you get home, okay? Just… delete them.” She can feel herself blushing. Her cheeks are hot. “I was upset and… I’m sorry.”</p><p>He gives her a funny look, but: “Okay.”</p><p>She smiles a little. “Thanks.”</p><hr/><p>He leaves. He leaves and he doesn’t say goodbye and she doesn’t know where he is so she can’t write or call and—and it’s breaks her. She’s shattered by it.</p><p>But she puts herself back together. She picks up the pieces. She doesn’t <em>need him</em>.</p><p>(That’s not true, but she’s determined to make it true. Just… forget him. Forget his eyes, his smile, his jackets. Forget <em>twenty-two-point-eight miles</em>, the bubbling joy she’d felt in her chest at those words. <em>Forget him.</em> Turn the pain into anger, and it’ll heal faster. She hopes.)</p><p>She gets the call at graduation and she knows it’s him, even though he doesn’t say a word. Every call has been him, she can feel it in her gut, so she spills out everything she wants to say, tells him she may have loved him, that she hopes he’s doing good.</p><p>And Rory keeps moving forward.</p><hr/><p>She spots him coming towards her, and the world stops.</p><p><em>He looks good</em>, her traitorous mind supplies. No. No, she’s not doing this.</p><p>“I get to leave first!” and she spins on her heel and runs away. She tries to ignore him calling her name and picks up her pace, and maybe the way they shout back and forth almost feels like it used to, but she’s <em>not letting him win</em>.</p><p>Jess catches up anyway, cuts her off—he’s always been taller—and says: “I want to talk to you.”</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>He’s out of breath. “When did you learn to run like that?”</p><p>If she was the girl she’d used to be, she’d smile. But Rory’s grown, and she deserves <em>better</em> than this. Better than how he treated her. So, she rips into him—<em>no call, no note… I have imagined a hundred different scenarios</em>, <em>I’m curious to see which way this is gonna go</em>—but Jess just sighs.</p><p>“Can we sit down?”</p><p>“No. You wanted to talk, so talk.” It’s like all the fight’s gone from him, but she’s too pissed off to care. “What do you have to say to me, Jess?”</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>She can’t say anything. She doesn’t know <em>what</em> to say, so she just—stares. She stares and watches, and Jess walks out of her life again. Gets into his stupid car and drives away, leaving her standing alone in the street.</p><hr/><p>For a moment, with Dean, it’s almost like when they were both sixteen and just falling in love. And then Rory remembers that he’s married, and wonders where the <em>hell </em>Lindsey thinks he is.</p><p>And then Jess walks in.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” Rory demands. There’s a look on Jess’ face, she’s not sure what, and it feels like a stab to the heart to realize that she can’t read him the way she used to. Frustration, maybe? Anger? Sorrow? <em>Sad boy,</em> she remembers, but that night only makes her heart ache.</p><p>“I need to talk to you.” And he’s striding towards her, clothed in leather, and Dean’s there (just like Dean <em>always was</em> in the beginning).</p><p>“Jess—” Dean looks pissed as he speaks, and it’s good to know that some things never change. Even if his anger still makes Rory feel a little afraid. Jess barely spares him a glance.</p><p>“I <em>need</em> to talk to you.”</p><p>“What’s going on?” Dean’s voice is low, dangerous, and <em>god</em>, Rory hated this then and she hates it now. She’s mad at Jess, yes, but how dare Dean look… look <em>betrayed</em>? What right does he have to be angry for Jess showing up? He’s married, Rory isn’t <em>his</em>, she doesn’t need his twisted sense of protection.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” she asks Jess again, choosing to ignore Dean for the moment.</p><p>“Rory, please.” There’s something in Jess’ voice, some edge of desperation that she can’t ignore. Even if it means she’ll be left shell-shocked when he <em>inevitably</em> leaves again.</p><p>“Rory?” she glances back at Dean when he speaks, and she hates the look on his face, because Dean <em>wants her</em> even though he has a wife, and she hates herself for even <em>thinking</em> of wanting him back. She’s an idiot, so much of an idiot that she huffs out an annoyed laugh.</p><p>“Go… go home,” she tells him. Dean looks at her, then Jess, then back at her.</p><p>“No!”</p><p>Things really <em>don’t</em> change.</p><p>“Yes,” she insists. “Go.” <em>I’m not yours. Leave me alone. We can’t do this, it’s wrong, you were wrong for me then and you’re still wrong for me now. </em>“You should go.”</p><p>He stares at them for another moment, and the hint of jealousy she can see in his eyes infuriates her. God, all those red flags she should have noticed years ago, should have noticed before <em>now</em> when she was about to do something stupid like sleep with a married man. Then Dean storms away. She watches him go, half-expects Jess to turn and give him a smug little smile as he leaves.</p><p>But they aren’t seventeen anymore, and Jess doesn’t look smug or triumphant. He just looks tired. Somehow, that doesn’t prevent the re-emergence of her anger at him.</p><p>“Why won’t you leave me alone?!” The door slams as Dean finally exits. “I mean, you won’t go away!”</p><p><em>I was trying to get over you. I thought I was over you.</em> And then he had the <em>nerve</em> to come back into town, confront her, confess his love, and then leave <em>again</em> as if he’d never said anything at all!</p><p>“Rory—”</p><p>“What do you <em>want</em>?” She’s yelling, and she hates yelling at him but he deserves it. And yelling is the only thing stopping her from cracking, from breaking down and falling back into him.</p><p>A little gesture of his arms, throwing them away from his body momentarily before they fall back to his sides. “I don’t know. I just…” he looks away from her, down at his feet, like he can’t meet her eyes. “… wanted to see you. Talk to you. I just…”</p><p><em>Talk to you</em>. Like that worked so well last time, she wants to spit. What is he going to do, drop another bomb on her and then run away again? Last time it was <em>I love you</em>, maybe this time he’ll say <em>I want to marry you</em> and bolt out the door!</p><p>(The ridiculousness of that thought actually cuts through her anger. A little.)</p><p>“What?” she lowers her voice, mostly because he looks like a kicked puppy and damn it, she still loves him. There’s a pause, during which he continues to find the laces of his shoes very interesting, and then he looks into her eyes.</p><p>“Come with me.”</p><p>It’s a joke. It has to be. She laughs. “What?”</p><p>“Come with me,” he repeats, more earnest, more sincere—and there’s that edge of desperation, like she’s his lifeline.</p><p>“Where?” she asks, like his request is ridiculous. In a way, it is. She’s not like him, she can’t just run away at the first sign of trouble.</p><p>His brow furrows, his voice doing nothing to hide his frustration when he speaks. “I don’t know!” He gestures again, towards the door this time. “Away!”</p><p>She can’t believe this. She <em>cannot</em> believe this. “Are you crazy?”</p><p>“Probably!” It’s not even sarcasm, and now she’s the one who’s finding it hard to look at him as his words fall from his lips. “Do it, come with me, <em>don’t think about it</em>.”</p><p>Don’t think about it? Does he even <em>know</em> her? “I can’t do that!” She can’t have this conversation, either. She turns her back on him and throws open the door to her room, but he follows her inside.</p><p>“You don’t think you can do it, but you can, you can do whatever you want!”</p><p>“It’s <em>not</em> what I want!” she turns back to him and god, she doesn’t even know if that’s the <em>truth</em>. There’s always some part of her that’s wanted him, and it’s still there now.</p><p>“It is! I know you.”</p><p>“You don’t know me!” But that’s not true either. Jess has always known her, just like she’s always known him. She’s just—she doesn’t know what she’s doing. Maybe she’s trying to hurt him, make him go away so she can finally put him behind her and stop loving him. If she makes him angry, he’ll just leave again and she won’t have to be reminded of everything that <em>could have been</em>.</p><p>But she doesn’t really want that, if she’s being honest. And he doesn’t get angry. He just reaches for her, large hands settling on her arms, and despite the wild desperation in his eyes and his voice his grip is gentle. “Look! We’ll go to New York. We’ll… work, we’ll live together, we’ll <em>be together</em>. It’s what I want! It’s what you want, too.”</p><p>That’s not fair. That’s not fair, bringing up something they used to talk about when things were perfect and wonderful and she would curl up against his chest and daydream about an apartment filled with books and coffee and <em>him</em>. She backs away.</p><p>“No!” It’s a lie. It’s a lie, she’s lying to him, because if she acknowledges the fire his words spark within her, the way he still makes her feel like a live wire, she doesn’t know what she’ll do.</p><p>“Look, I wanna be with you, but not here, not this place, not<em> Stars Hollow</em>. We have to start new.”</p><p><em>Shut it down, Gilmore.</em> “There’s nothing to start!”</p><p>“You’re packed! Your stuff is all in boxes! It’s perfect, you’re ready. And <em>I’m</em> ready. I’m ready for this, you can count on me now! I know you couldn’t before, but you can now. You can!”</p><p>So earnest, her Jess. It’s not something she’s used to, but they’ve both changed. Her only worry is that he hasn’t changed <em>enough</em>.</p><p>“No!” But her protest is quieter, less sure. She starts to walk around him, but he side-steps, reaching for her again. She can’t meet his eyes, because she can hear the strain in his voice and she’s afraid that if she looks up, she’ll see the unshed tears, and then she’ll shatter. She’s always hated seeing him upset.</p><p>“You know we’re supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you two years ago, and you know it too. I <em>know</em> you do.”</p><p>He’s right, he’s right, but she can’t admit that, she <em>can’t do this, </em>not now—“No, no, no, no, <em>no!”</em></p><p>“Don’t say no just to make me stop talking, or make me go away! Only say no if you really don’t want to be with me!”</p><p>She can’t. Her mouth is open and it’s right on the tip of her tongue, but she can’t because it’s not true. He’s right, and he knows it, and <em>she</em> knows it, and there’s that desperate sadness in his eyes and for as much as he’s hurt her, she can’t break his heart. Not again. But—</p><p>“You always walk away,” she says, and the lump in her throat chokes her. “You <em>always</em> walk away, Jess. How do I know you won’t walk away again? How do I know that we aren’t going to get into another stupid fight because we can’t communicate, we <em>never</em> communicated, and how do I know that you aren’t going to abandon me <em>again</em> because you’re too afraid or embarrassed to tell me something?”</p><p>He opens his mouth, but she cuts him off. “You say I can count on you now, but it wasn’t that long ago that you dropped your love confession on me and then drove away! You don’t <em>do that</em>, Jess!”</p><p>“You weren’t saying anything!” he retorts. “I told you I love you, and you just looked at me and I <em>knew</em> it was stupid, I knew you’d moved on, but after that last phone call I just wanted you to know—”</p><p>“It wasn’t fair,” she says. “Jess, you left without a goodbye, you didn’t <em>call</em>, or <em>write</em>, and then you came back to town and avoided me up until the moment you said that! I was in shock!”</p><p>He goes quiet. “Would you have said it back?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” She was so angry at him then, but she did love him. She <em>does</em> love him. “I was hurt, Jess. I’m tired of getting hurt.”   There’s a long moment of silence, which she finally breaks.  “If I come with you—” His eyes brighten a little, like with just those words she’s brought some sunshine back into his life. She hopes the rest of her statement doesn’t break his heart. “I have to go back to Yale in the fall.”</p><p>Her mom would kill her if she didn’t. Future Rory would probably travel back in time kill her if she didn’t. But Jess doesn’t even hesitate, just: “Of course.”</p><p>It’s not sarcastic, it’s not derogatory or belittling. It isn’t like when Dean used to talk about Harvard (and Jesus Christ, she really needs to stop comparing the two of them, because that’s what got her into this mess in the first place). Dean used to talk about Harvard like she was somehow betraying him by choosing her education over him. Jess doesn’t see it that way, never has, and she <em>knows</em> that—but she’s pleasantly surprised anyway. But for all of the mistakes the two of them made, when things were <em>good</em> between them, Jess treated her… he treated her like a person. He let her have her own dreams, her own space, time apart from him. <em>Twenty-two-point-eight miles</em>, she remembers suddenly, and she has to blink back tears.</p><p>“Okay,” she says finally. “Okay. Let’s load up your car.”</p><p>Jess smiles, <em>really</em> smiles, the smile reserved for her, and reaches up to tuck her hair behind her ear. Her focus zeroes in on the brush of his fingers against her cheek, and her chest gets all light and bubbly. <em>I love you</em>, she thinks with a sudden certainty, and then: <em>We can make this work</em>.</p><p>…Her mom is going to <em>kill</em> her.</p>
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